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Kyrgyz cricketers struggle with the LBW rule

August 16th, 2008 · No Comments

The Russians seem to be more and more concerned with Taxistan’s welfare. We now receive daily visits from a doctor, who has thus far managed to treat our only ailment, several hundred mosquito bites a piece. Shortly after the doctor left we received a visit from our Kazakh counterparts, who invited us to dinner that evening. In return for their hospitality they expected either our Taxi or our tent as a present. When we explained that we could give them neither, they left, rather forlorn.

A bus load of passing Kyrgyz tourists, rather perplexed by the Taxistan morning ritual of cricket in boxer shorts to the accompaniment of The Great Escape, formed a less than orderly queue at passport control waiting to be admitted. Once within the relative safety of Taxistan’s borders we explained to them the intricacies of the LBW rule and initiated them into international Test cricket. Disappointed by Taxistan’s under representation in the Olympics we set about creating the inaugural and final Barbed Wire cup contested by the nations of Kyrgyzstan and Taxistan.

The Tourists started well when Monckton fell clean bowled to Aziz in the opening over. Although there is some contention as to whether the bowling action was legal. Aziz was let off due to inexperience. Firman came into bat and started walloping the ball over the place, even fitting in a KP special reverse sweep. It nearly ended in tears when a Firman cover drive soared over the barriers, out of Taxistan and into Russia. DAFT, armed with some wire cutters set about the rescue mission, demolishing a Ruski barbed wire fence in their bid to allow the Kyrgyz to have their innings. Upon the retrieval of the ball, Firman was given out by the rather overweight and confused Kazakh umpire for hitting the ball too hard. The Kygyz innings started badly, tailed off in the middle order and the least said about the end the better. The end result was a resounding, (if slightly unfair) victory for Taxistan.

After match tea, the Council of Guardians of Taxistan, started trying to wash some of the filth off themselves in preparation for the excitement of the first state visit for the Taxistanis. Borscht and potato broth washed down with 11% beer was a welcome change from the cold spaghetti hoops and stale bread that has become the staple diet of Taxistan. The image of the Kazakhs as perfect hosts (seemingly oblivious to the rather enormous language barrier) was only slightly damaged when the time came to leave. Requests to use the loo were flatly refused and directions given to a nearby field.

After a full scale invasion by 25 sheep in the early hours of this morning, border defences have been strengthened with a rudimentary steel stinger, liberated from an abandoned checkpoint in no man’s land.

Taxistanis are making finally preparations for the day of liberation, now only hours away. Efforts are being made to leave Taxistan in an infintitely better state than it was found.

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